Signs

Yesterday I asked for a sign. My sister is very faithful and she is able to receive signs and messages frequently from God, but I haven’t been so fortunate. I talk a lot to God, maybe too much. Yesterday, I told him I wanted to listen. I asked myself if I was receiving signs and just not “seeing” or more importantly “hearing” them. I blabbered on to him as I always do in the morning, stating things in my heart and mind that I know he already knows. If you’ve read some of my blogs about work you know what a disappointing place it has become. I applied for a few new jobs and hadn’t heard a word back. Every day, I would say to myself, and God, “maybe I’m not meant for another job, maybe you are telling me this is where I need to be and in order to be happy I need to change myself.” I began listing the things I love about my job and every time something negative tried to overshadow the positivity I was hoping for, I did my best to push it away, or tell myself I could find a way to work on it. Basically, after being obsessed with checking my emails all day for weeks, to see if I had heard anything back from the jobs I had applied to, I promised God that I would let it go, that I would leave this totally in his hands. I was working on uploading transcripts for my seniors, when my phone went off and the number looked promising, it was my cell so I didn’t pick it up while working and I let it go straight to voicemail. When I listened to the message, it was a request from one of the jobs I had applied to, to come in for an interview.  I took this as my sign, let me rephrase that, I received this as a sign. Of course immediately, I started stressing about my return phone call, “did I sound too friendly,” “did I say the right things?” It literally was a two minute conversation and I was already obsessing. A group of our teachers were in yesterday for a meeting, one of my favorites came in just to say hi, and I ran into a couple of our younger ones and we laughed about summer vacations and had a great conversation, I tried to put my obsession behind me. Last night, I began thanking God, something I try never to forget to do. I pray for many things, especially where my kids are concerned, safe trips, success and happiness and when they are granted a blessing, I always remember to thank God, knowing that if my prayer doesn’t get answered, it’s for a reason. I have put my passion into raising them, keeping a household, taking care of my parents when I could, but my life has changed in so many ways. My kids are gone, my parents are gone and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time to put the same passion I had all my life in helping others, in my faith. I’m not sure God wants me to keep prattling to him all day, but that I can’t help, I think I do know that he wants me to learn to listen. To learn patience, the patience that comes with believing that everything in life happens for a reason. It’s all his plan and although it’s predestined, I can make minor changes by changing myself. Thank you God, for sending me a sign yesterday. I will work on getting better at receiving them, as I know part of that process is learning to be silent (something I suck at). I’m so busy asking, promising and insisting I will accept your “will,” I sometimes forget to listen. So I will go to the interview, I will ask that you help me with my words and I will promise here and now, if this is something that is meant for me or even if it isn’t, I will accept your “will.” I will look, and more importantly, listen for your next sign.

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